In the BDSM community it may be hard to tell where the line between kinky consensual play and abuse is crossed. Let this be a rule of thumb: trust your intuition. If you feel something is wrong, IT PROBABLY IS. If you feel you are being mistreated, SAY SOMETHING.
(This is a photoset; click the title, then the arrows on each photo!)
Always be aware! Abuse is never ok….and it’s not ‘part of the game’. A real Dom/me is responsible for knowing your likes and limits and will ALWAYS respect them! Being a Dom/me isn’t about taking power, it’s about having it given.
The responsibility of the sub is to trust. Trust isn’t given, it’s earned! The responsibility of a Dom/me is to earn the trust then make a safe and fun experience for both parties. Both participants should ask many questions and both should answer truthfully!
Naughty gray anon faces never get to cum.
Psychology is an interesting topic. I’m certainly no expert, but I know some of the basics and I try to be reasonably self-aware about all aspects of my life (which in my opinion is very helpful for becoming a better person but that’s a different topic.)
When I started this thing that I have with my mistress, at first I was simply looking for someone to decide when I could orgasm and to tease me until then. I wasn’t really looking for anything very intricate, I was primarily interested in tease and denial. Me and my mistress found each other online and, well…I’ve talked plenty about our journey before, but the short of it is that it’s ended up turning into pretty much a legit D/S relationship. Orgasm control is still the primary thing going on, especially given the limitation of the digital world, but I am submissive to her. I’ve done several things that I never really thought I’d be willing to do (for example, practicing oral on a dildo), several things are planned that I never thought I’d be willing to do (Mistress is looking forward to getting me into some pretty panties) and I know there are plenty of things that we’ll never get a chance to do but I would if we could meet in person (forced bi fantasies have become kind of a thing for us, to at least some extent.)
For quite some time now I’ve committed to being submissive to her and want to do everything I can to make her happy. But lately I’ve found myself mentally committing to that concept even farther. I think it’s perhaps a willingness to take it to another level that we are sadly not capable of doing.
But in any case, it did get me thinking about why am I submissive in the first place. Technically I consider myself a switch. For a long time I thought I was submissive-only, but over time I realized that at least some parts of domination is just too good to not want to take a part of. But most of the time my mind reverts to wanting to be submissive, and having switched with my mistress a couple of times, I still think of myself as a switch but being submissive is definitely where I feel at home. And it really has begun to feel like home for me. After a couple of days of switching with my mistress, we’ll usually switch back and while I will have had greatly enjoyed that time, I find myself thinking, “I’m back where I belong.”
So why do I feel this way? Again, I’m no psychologist, and this is all mostly just kind of a curiosity thing for me anyway, but here’s my line of thinking. In my normal, every day vanilla life, I’ve always placed a high value on friends and the people I care for (which has bitten me in the ass on a few occasions but that’s a completely different topic.) I like to do things for people and being helpful. I hate to see someone in distress and not being able to do anything about it. Hell, I’ll even do favors for people I flat out don’t like. I just can’t bring myself to say no in some circumstances. It’s not that I’m a pushover…but to use a real life example, if someone needs a ride or face walking across town, I can’t in good conscience say no.
So there’s my day-to-day mindset. Submitting to someone for their pleasure and seeing them happy as a result? That hits all kinds of good mental notes for me. I’m sure there’s other factors involved too, of course. That may not even be the primary factor, but it’s the one I find most interesting to think about. Masochism and letting someone else be in control…those are concepts understood fairly well and talked about plenty. But…yeah. I like knowing that my frustration and denial pleases my mistress. I like knowing that my orgasms that she’s allowed me to have pleases her. I like that knowing that she’s pleased every time I plug my ass for her, or eat a load of my cum, or anything else. It’s okay that it comes at the expense of my own pleasure or being embarrassed or anything like that (not including any limits of course) because it’s not about me…it’s about her pleasure. And that’s the way we both like it.
And I’m realizing more and more that I’m pretty sure this is the kind of thing I’ll continue to want, maybe for the rest of my life. My relationship with my mistress has been one of the most positive things to ever happen to me, and in a way it’s only scratching the surface of the potential this kind of thing has. There’s so much more to experience and learn and so much discovery to be had about myself and others. Why would I want to go without that ever again?
I find it so interesting that you you told me “It takes me a long time to cum” when we first talked. As I always do, I just listened. You told me by yourself you can cum sometimes in 3-4 minutes, but with a guy it takes much longer if you cum at all. You told me all these things about yourself that you were so sure of.
Then when we started and I pulled out a vibrator, you responded right away, “That won’t help, I’ve tried it before.” A conviction without even a trial.
"You don’t have to worry about deciding what will or won’t work. You don’t have to worry about performing, or succeeding or failing. All you have to worry about is following what I tell you. Take off your shorts and your panties."
You look a little surprised that I switched gears so quickly. “Look, I don’t just get turned on like this…”
"WAS I UNCLEAR?" My voice had changed tones…again you looked surprised and began to answer, "No, I just…"
"Good. I can leave now. We don’t have to do this. I won’t ask again. I will assume the next action you do or don’t take is your answer. Take off your shorts and your panties."
This time you were quiet and did as you were told.
"Now, kneel on the floor," I said pointing to a place on the carpet next to me. You knelt.
I had you fold your hands behind your head. I had you hold good posture for me. I had you spread your legs. All little directions. All specific. I got no more questions from you.
"I know you like to be in control. I know you like to find little ways to fight and struggle. I know you like to test. Those won’t work with me."
I switched on the vibrator on high. “Don’t move.” I held the tip of the vibrator against your clit. I didn’t move it.
"I also know that a good girl wouldn’t let a near stranger do this to her. A good girl wouldn’t tell me the story of her sex life, nor would she let me order her around."
My voice seemed like it wasn’t attached to me.
"You feel that vibrator on your clit?"
"Its buzzing away and you can’t stop it. You can’t speed it up or slow it down. If you want to continue, which I know you do, you just have to hold still."
You were wet now. Your eyes blinked and you breathed evenly only with effort. “Is this beginning to turn you on?” You nodded. “You know what type of girl lets an older man she barely knows do this to her? Do you know what this makes you?”
You paused. It was almost like words weren’t allowed but I hadn’t said you couldn’t speak. You shook your head looking confused.
"Keep holding still. That makes you a little slut." On the word slut I rubbed the vibe in little circles on your clit then stopped. The mix of pleasure, and objection on your face was priceless. "Don’t move." "Don’t speak my little slut." I rubbed it in circles again on your clit on the word.
”Now, tell me…say what you are for me.” You paused and I pulled the vibrator away. Using the flat of my hand I gave you a hard swat on your pussy that made you loose your balance a little and began holding the vibe on your clit again right away while it still tingled.
"Tell me what you are." Again the pause and this time I spanked you 3 times. "Who’d let themselves be treated like this? Would a slut do this?"
"Yes!" sprung from your lips while I was still rubbing your clit with the vibe. I stopped. "Then tell me what you are."
"I’m a slut!" And I rubbed your clit even further.
Again I asked, and again you answered “A slut.” I rubbed your clit, and your squirming made me pull the vibe away. I spanked you again. “Hold still…What are you?”
"A SLUT!" I rubbed fast and firm on your clit.
We both could feel your orgasm coming. I pulled the vibrator away, tangled my fingers in your hair and pulled you over backwards across my lap. My free hand I used to hold and slowly…painfully slowly rub your clit.
"It takes you a long time to cum because you like to be in control." I twisted my finger just inside your pussy. "You don’t want to be a slut and want to be difficult. You don’t want to be easy and out of control." You moaned again as I rocked my finger against your clit. Isn’t that right my little slut…
"I’m going to cum." …I pulled my hand away.
"Who said you got to do anything slut?" I said as my hand came down 5 times firm on your pussy, making you gasp with each strike.
"You’re not in control any-more…"
Today was your basic black kind of day.
As it should be for all men, locked and fucked by there mistress
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